You say one bad thing about Christmas and suddenly you become "That girl" ... Sheesh.

Ah.. It's that time of year again. The time of year everyone comes together with their families. The time of year for making yummy food, watching happy movies and singing happy songs... The time of year there seems to be a conspiracy to see how much I can take. The time of year that, no matter how hard I try to avoid it, I become a moody, sad individual. Ridiculous I know! I try so hard to be a joiner and focus on the positives but that nagging ache always seems to find a way back into my heart and I'm sunk. Flooded with memories of how Christmas really was my favorite time of year and now my main goal is to survive it... I hate that feeling of having nothing to look forward too. I'm mostly successful in keeping my joy but I'm sorry kids, life is messy and sometimes I feel like it's only goal is too see how much it can break my heart... I may bash Christmas a little bit, but it's not because I don't believe in it, it's mainly because I just miss my Dad and Sammy so much...

Looking back at the past year I feel like I have grown a lot, And there have been big changes. I have awesome friends and great roommates and a church family that I love. But I can't help feeling still like somethings missing... maybe I'll always feel like that and I should just cope, but I don't want to just accept that. Joel 2:25 was the verse God gave me at the beginning of the year " And He shall restore the years the locust have eaten." Well I still believe it, this year may not have been as earth shattering as I had hoped but it's a start and I'll never give up on my dreams. There are more years of restoration in store for me, not because I deserve it, not because I've been a 'good girl' but because the LORD is good and wants to bless His children.

So even though I fall into my old ways of scroogeness on occasion, I will not forget that Jesus is the reason for the season and His Love restores my life, His arms are wrapped around my family and however much longer I am on the earth I will praise him. I will do my best to remember I am still here for a reason and I have much love to give in His name. So please forgive me for losing sight and looking at all I lack. After all my treasures are stored in heaven and not on this earth. And for that I am truly grateful.

Merry Christmas!