The Paradox of Me.

My throat is scratchy and sore from yelling. 
Yelling at Skeeter to come back as he runs down the road after another dog.
Yelling "NO!" at my car as it slides helplessly careening downwards towards a snowbank while driving down the white ribbon of death that is my driveway.
Yelling because I have no control. I wish i didn't need control so much, but I do. 
I know I'll never get it, but therein lies the seat of my delusion. 
I've became loud, frustrated and dramatic  these past few weeks for no good reason really.
But good reason has rarely held sway over this wild heart of mine.
My desires are what thrash within my soul begging for an audience.
If it's only to break free for awhile and leave it all behind, it's what I must do.
I'll continue to white knuckle my plans and goals because allowing myself to drift along aimlessly has only landed me in the lap of disappointment and discontentment.
I'll take the reigns and drive hard. 
Where the road bends I do not know. 
All I know is I've cracked the whip and I'm going.

There is a time for peace but it is not now.
Now is the time for desperate action. I fling myself onto the open road and flee my comfort zone.
In the upheaval and leap into the unknown is where I will become quiet again.

This is the paradox of me.